Hear No Evil See No Evil

The other night I went and saw Shutter Island with my husband. Immediately after, I was just overcome with such a dark depressing feeling. As we were driving home I literally broke down in tears because of some of the things I SAW in the movie. It was just so disturbing for me and regretted ever going to see it in the first place.

The LDS church (the church in which I’m a part of), advises us to abstain from watching rated R movies. The reasons are pretty obvious, because we all know the kind of influence movies can have. I’m not perfect and don’t claim to be. I admit I haven't been that great in following that counsel. I was once very strict about this rule, before my mission,( of course during since we weren’t allowed to watch any movies or TV) and for a while afterwards. I guess over time, little by little became desensitized. I began justifying it and thinking, oh, it’s only a little violence, or it’s just a little profanity. Or, just this once we’ll watch it because it won all these awards. How could we NOT see it if it’s THAT good.

Anyway, my point is, after watching this movie I thought, why do I do this to myself, I know how these kinds of movies make me feel, but yet still choose to watch. This experience has made me think more about the affects rated R movies can have on ones spirit, and that perhaps I should try harder to FOLLOW the very wise advise of the church leaders.

The dilemma I have is this, we are hearing and seeing these kinds of things happening in REAL life by just simply turning on the news. Should we not watch the news either? I actually don’t watch or read it, but hear bits and pieces of what’s going on from my husband. Sometimes I think, don't TELL me, I don't want to know. It’s so depressing, just knowing of the awful things that are happening to people, and especially children. I think that’s why this movie had such a negative impact on me, because it had to do with children. It’s almost unbearable to watch or hear about any thing bad happening to such precious beings.

I know it’s important to be aware of what’s going on in the world, and ignorance isn’t always bliss. It’s crucial to KNOW about the dangers we face in order to better protect our own children. But seriously, sometimes I wish everything could just be rainbows and butterflies. I just want to PRETEND that these kinds of things don’t really go on. I want to live in LA LA Land and “dream in cartoons”, like Tinley :), oh shoot, did Vienna say that???? man, I never thought I'd be quoting her. (If you don't watch the Bachelor, you may not have a clue what I'm talking about, sorry)

This brings me to another subject, which I assure you is not an easy one for me to talk about.

I don’t like talking to my daughter about things that COULD happen. I want her to grow up knowing the world as a happy safe place, but it is important that she knows what to do incase she finds herself in a bad situation. We recently purchased some DVD’s, workbooks, and so forth, that help parents talk to their children about their bodies, what’s private and what we share, and about Good Touch Bad Touch. We purchased this all from Child Help.

Childhelp® is a leading national non-profit organization dedicated to helping victims of child abuse and neglect. Childhelp’s approach focuses on prevention, intervention and treatment.

The statistics are so sad, and hope that we can do our part in teaching our children what they need to know in order to keep them safe. I thought I'd post the statistics for you to see, and trust me, I HATE to do it, just makes me want to cry.

-Almost five children die everyday as a result of child abuse. More than three out of four are under the age of 4.

-It is estimated that between 60-85% of child fatalities due to maltreatment are not recorded as such on death certificates.

-A report of child abuse is made every ten seconds.

-Ninety percent of child sexual abuse victims know the perpetrator in some way; 68% are abused by family members.

-Child abuse occurs at every socio-economic level, across ethnic and cultural lines, within all religions and at all levels of education.

-Thirty-one percent of women in prison in the United States were abused as children.

-Over 60% of people in drug rehabilitation centers report being abused or neglected as a child.

-About 30% of abused and neglected children will later abuse their own children, continuing the horrible cycle of abuse.

-About 80% of 21 year old that were abused as children met criteria for at least one psychological disorder.

-The estimated annual cost resulting from child abuse and neglect in the United States for 2007 is $104 billion.

Consequences of Child Abuse and Neglect in USA

-Abused children are 25% more likely to experience teen pregnancy

-Children who experience child abuse & neglect are 59% more likely to be arrested as a juvenile, 28% more likely to be arrested as an adult, and 30% more likely to commit violent crime.

-Children who have been sexually abused are 2.5 times more likely develop alcohol abuse

-Children who have been sexually abused are 3.8 times more likely develop drug addiction

-Nearly 2/3’s of the people in treatment for drug abuse reported being abused as children

Consequences of Child Abuse in the USA

Eighty percent of young adults who had been abused met the diagnostic criteria for at least 1 psychiatric disorder at the age of 21 (including depression, anxiety, eating disorders, & post-traumatic stress disorder)

-Abused children are 25% more likely to experience teen pregnancy

-Abused teens are 3 times less likely to practice safe sex, putting them at greater risk for STDs

The Link Between Abuse As a Child & Future Criminal Behavior

Fourteen percent of all men in prison in the USA were abused as children

-Thirty-six percent of all women in prison were abused as children

-Children who experience child abuse & neglect are 59% more likely to be arrested as a juvenile, 28% more likely to be arrested as an adult, and 30% more likely to commit violent crime.

The Link Between Child Abuse & Substance Abuse

Children who have been sexually abused are 2.5 times more likely develop alcohol abuse

-Children who have been sexually abused are 3.8 times more likely develop drug addictions

-Nearly 2/3’s of the people in treatment for drug abuse reported being abused as children


Amber said...

thanks for sharing your feelings about this.

i read the book by Dennis LeHane but have not watched the movie. The book was very raw and keep your guessing. The whole situation with the children was terrible and it made me cry as well. I can't imagine watching it.

I find myself not watching extremely profane movies or scary movies due to the fact that I can't handle it. I have nightmares and it just all around makes me freaked out.

pinkflipflops said...

As an educator, I see children on a daily basis not getting what they deserve. Now, to me it is abuse, but to the state it is not. Feed your child at LEAST 3 square meals a day. Send them to school clean and with clean clothes. Don't speak vulgarly in front of them. Spend time with them. Tell them you love them. It breaks my heart but keeps me going back every day. I WILL make them feel loved and special for a part of each day. That is my job. My job is to nurture them and build them up so that even though every negative thing in the world is against them, they have that hope and a chance. I can't deal with adults a lot because it infuriates me how they treat children. About not watching / reading the news. Remember knowledge is power. Even if it is negative it can help lead you in away to help others or make changes. :)

Sean Escobar said...

You know what, the thing that bothers me the most about all of this is how people don't want to know what's going on. I see so much ignorance even right here in my own community. I was fondled as a child, by one of my friends dads. I'm fortunate that it didn't escalate beyond that and that we were able to get it addressed so that it wouldn't happen to more kids or to his own. The worst part was that this was a person that everyone would naturally trust, he was a gospel doctrine teacher at our church and well resected. I've never been hesitant to tell people this, as my intention is to help protect innocent children from the monsters at large. You can't trust anyone. Don't leave your kids alone with grown up men. Don't let your kids, boys or girls, have sleep overs at friends houses. Ensure that daycares, schools and churches have 2 teachers at once wherever possible and never men alone. I am aware of so many people who were molested, it's not going to stop, we have to get smart about preventing it from happening.

www.thehusaileybunch.com said...

I'm gonna comment on the -not so serious- part of that post:

You quoted Vienna! What's the world coming to??? :)
I'm kidding... I actually like her and hope he picks her! I like me an honest chick!!!

Danielle said...

I can tell you I will not be going to see this movie. Although you are right about we must know the dangers of the world, I prefer to pretend butterflies and rainbows. The world is a cruel, and scary place.

Daisygirl said...

is Shutter Island about child abuse? If it is I am so not seeing it either, I had no idea!

The statistics are scary, makes me want to keep my children at home forever but I know that isn't right either.
Great post!

Gabrielle @ i.craft said...

You know I also abstain from movies that are simply glamorizing horror. Actual stats are terrible and we should heed their warning but to go see it as entertainment and pay to do it... that's where I have to the draw the line for myself and our family. But each person has to make those decisions for themselves, if you feel convicted then you should probably listen to it. xoxo

Scha&Andi said...

when i was going through my spiritual conversion ten years ago, i was at a rated R movie and i have never felt so sick in my life. i had to walk out. i was with my family and i was worried what they would think and i didn't want to make them feel bad but i had to leave. my dad came out and put his arm around me and was proud of me. he said he felt it was a bad movie too. i remember saying a prayer while i was out on that bench with my dad... i promised my heavenly father i wouldn't see rated R movies and would always walk out of movies i felt were inappropriate.

i fall short a lot. i certainly like a crude joke or funny crude shows too. even though i get a laugh at these things sometimes i don't always feel good about it. so i try not to watch them. i am proud to say i have only seen one rated R movie in ten years. i wished i hadn't seen it.

i even walked out of three PG-13 movies last year. movies that many of my friends and family members recommended. and i can count three that i wish i would of walked out of but didn't.

i think it is good to not see movies that you know nothing about. it's like with everything... you have to really do your homework. and be sensative to the spirit. we all have the light of Christ and you and i the GIFT of the HOly Ghost. and i think that is something we can really rely on.

i know a lot of good people (LDS and not) that see rated R movies. and i think for years i justified seeing them because i felt these good people saw them. (good point to make here: you never know who is watching you) but for me, it was a personal decision and i just knew i had didn't want to see them anymore. these feelings were confirmed through numerous church talks i found and read.

it's so hard to stand up for what you believe in sometimes but when i walked out of that rated R movie ten years ago i thought my family would be offended and angry with me. they weren't. my dad put his arm around me and felt the same way!

i agree we need to be aware of things, and maybe that is watching the news and stuff. but we don't have to watch it in a dramatized and visual kind of way. it's one thing to hear things and quite another to watch them acted out. i am just a very visual kind of person. and those images do not go away easily. i have to pray lots to get rid of them.

well sorry you had to go through that. i hope you have recovered. i love you guys... SO MUCH.

Eva Gallant said...

I was thinking I'd like to see that movie, but I'm glad I read this. I had no idea that it had anything to do with children! I just thought it would be fun to see what looked like a scary movie.
The child abuse stats are uber depressing. I never can understand how anyone can do harm to an innocent child.

Eva Gallant said...

Whoops! I got so caught up in your post, I forgot that I had come here to thank you for visiting my SITS day blog!

Stacia said...

There's so much tragedy in the world, isn't there? Sometimes, I feel like all we can do is be thankful for our own happiness and support those who are fighting to be happy themselves.

Heather said...

I just stopped over from SITS & I love your blog! It's SO CUTE!! :) Really nice job on it :)

xoxoKrysten said...

I do want to see the movie as well as read the book.

I think that seeing and reading those things makes me appreciate all the good things that I have in my life. And helps me to realize that the world isn't always sunshine and rainbows.

2busy said...

I am very careful about the movies I see. I'm not perfect, I watch some 'R' movies. But I read reviews and find out why it's rated 'R'. I appreciate your review of this movie, but from the previews it looked totally intriguing.

I don't watch the news much. I like living in an innocent little bubble. I rely on my husband for anything pertinent. Things are just WAY too depressing at times.

Crystal said...

Let me just say that yes, the statistics are overwhelming. I quit my job December 23rd. Well, that was my last day. I worked at our local women's shelter/Center for NonViolence. I was THE Children's Counselor which means I saw every child between the ages of 3-17 & had to assess those 3 & under. Our criteria were simple (sad but simple), they received free services if they were living in the shelter OR if they had ever been a victim of child abuse/neglect OR sexual assault of any kind, even just touching. My caseload was huge & being the only children's counselor, I had times I couldn't even get everyone in. What got me the most was, I've been a mental health counselor for years, BUT I HAD NO IDEA there were so many children affected by the above in even our small community. We don't live in New York City or Chicago. We're here on the gulf coast of Mississippi & to see the amount of kids affected by this type of sick violence.... well, this leads to one of the reasons I no longer work there... Please use those books & media (we used the same at the shelter) to teach your child. And anyone reading this! Use it. PREVENTION is the key. It would SHOCK YOUR PANTS OFF to know the true statistics. =(

Crystal said...

I hate creepy movies! They didn't bother me when I was young but now they do. Even more after becoming a mother. I hate Hollywood for making movies that hurt children.

Elizabeth Patch said...

I'm here to thank you so much for stopping by my blog and leaving a comment, I truly appreciate it!

Tonya said...

I know it is a hard line to know how to draw. I stayed up late the other night watching a movie that I kept thinking I should turn off but found myself glued to. The story has haunted me for days, but was a subject I had never thought about.

I think the best we can do it be informed. Inform those around us. Education is power, but most of all live a Christ centered life surrounding ourselves and those we love with joys of this earth.

♥ Katinka said...

Stopping by from SITS and wishing you a great Thursday!!! :)

Love your blog! I read that you went on a mission to Germany. How exciting! I'm from Germany and my boyfriend is American. Feel free to stop by my blog!!! Greetings from California...

Jane said...

Both my husband and I don't enjoy movies that exploit children. It's too disturbing. The stats are so sad.

mormonhermitmom said...

In one neighborhood we lived in years ago, some of the children would dance to explicit music, mimicking the music videos. It made me sick to think what kind of parents would allow them to see that kind of stuff, or worse, what else those kids might have been subjected to. It's a twisted world when it becomes necessary to teach kids about abuse when they've only just learned to read.

mauibabe said...

I bought a dvd a few years ago for my daughter and I to watch together called "Stranger Safety". It was put together by the Baby Einstein company and John Walsh (the host of AMW and whose own son was kidnapped and murdered). It's entertaining for kids while still teaching a valuable lesson. They sell it on amazon.com

Myda said...

Crystal-Gosh! We are so alike it's funny. I often think about the movies and their effects on us. This also goes for music. Not to put anyone down but did you ever notice what gangsters listen to? It's no wonder they are committing violence. If you look at the lyrics to most rap songs (not old school rap) they are so violent and disrespectful. We also have to be careful with PG-13 movies. Hancock was rated PG-13 and I have never heard so many cuss words that came out of Wil's mouth! It was like he had to catch up on all the times he didn't cuss in past movies. haha. Anyhow, you are so right on the money!

Thank you for talking about the abuse with children. It is so sad but true. I was one of the lucky ones who escaped and chose to not let the molestation and abuse effect my actions. It was all Heavenly Father, I know. I will be posting this blog post on my FB page.


Kelly Jo @Typing One Handed said...

Thank you for guiding me somewhere for resources on such a tough topic. I know it won't be long before we have to start talking to Zoey about this, and I'm not looking forward to it. How do you teach something like that with out terrifying your kids?

karen@fitnessjourney said...

Hi Crystal, thanks for stopping by via SITS and becoming a follower.

I can relate to what you are saying. While we can avoid movies that aren't uplifting, it is impossible to avoid some of the unpleasant aspects of life. I too have a daughter and feel like it is a necessary evil to talk to her about danger prevention. I suppose that the best way to handle it is to let her know that you are her safe haven and she can always count on you to keep her safe,

annalene said...

Hi there, stopping in from SITS!

I sort of feeel lucky that I never really enjoyed watching movies as a whole & if I do watch now it's usually something lighthearted like claymation. Also yikes, those stats are are really quite scary but its reassuring to know that people are looking out for their kids rather than turning a blind eye.

~Melody @ 6 Feet Over~ said...

I'm a firm believer of 'what goes in comes out' ... totally agree with you on being careful of what we watch in film and on TV.

The statistics you listed are just so sad. I think about having to explain the world to my precious little girl.

Angie Muresan said...

This is such a good post, Crystal. I found myself nodding along, and I commend you for writing it. There are movies that do that for me too and I refuse to go see them. And when it comes to children, I am capable of violence when I hear how their innocence is lost and they are made to suffer for the perverted pleasure of someone who does not deserve to be called a human being, but rather an animal.

Candace @ Candace Creations said...

I'm so glad you mentioned this because my husband wants me to watch shutter island with him but I didn't want to just because I can't handle really creepy messed up movies...I didn't know children were involved in this one so I for SURE wont watch it because I just can't handle it. Before we got married, my hubby and I went with some friends to The Hills have Eyes and we ended up leaving because it just got too messed up and disturbing.

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